I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
