guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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