Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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