Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
