Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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