Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
