Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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