I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
