mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
