I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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