I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
