I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
