Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
