Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
