So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
