Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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