You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
