so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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