I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
