I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I need water and some morals
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
