I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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