thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
