Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
