I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
