All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
