He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
