I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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