This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
