Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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