She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
