Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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