He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
