Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
