I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
