He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so explain again why im purple
no
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
