apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
