a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
