I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
