he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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