Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
