You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize