Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
