So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
