Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
