Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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