I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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