Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
