I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
