i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am one with the molecules
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
