Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
