I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
