No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
