I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize