You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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