if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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