you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
