birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
