so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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