I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
