Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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