Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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