i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
