I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Help. Why am I so naked?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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