he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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