the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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