I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
