For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
