I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
