My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
