he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
