I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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