bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
