i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
