You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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