Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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