Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
