YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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