smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
