does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
