i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
