I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
