Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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