spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
