my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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