I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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