i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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