I am in a vortex of obligation.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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