How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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