JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
