I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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