So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
