I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
