Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
