how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
