He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
