I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
