i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I pour the whiskey from now on
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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