I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
