it's like iHOP with fire
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
