why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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